Let's start with a hard truth: No one will ever care as much about your career as you do.
This doesn't mean no one cares at all. Good leaders care. I personally am passionate about developing effective leaders -- leaders who empathize and empower, leaders who guide and bolster, leaders who strategize and plan and rally and act -- and I promise that leadership development is possible and realistic and invigorating when it does happen. Ideally, good leaders (and mentors, for that matter) will care for your career and help you develop your skills and capabilities so you can grow and excel. The best ones are selfless and they might challenge you in ways you never thought possible, or in ways that are different than your normal approach, all with YOUR wellbeing at the heart of their actions.
Unfortunately, these leaders are not as common as we'd like. And even when you do encounter a good leader, they also inevitably have other things going on. In "Talk to the Elephant," a book about designing learning experiences for behavior change, author Julie Dirksen refers to this as the "37 other things" we each deal with on a daily basis, which makes it hard for any one thing to jump up the to-do list and become a top priority or a sole focus. We all have a lot to care about, a lot of work to do, a lot of considerations to weigh and deal with. We can't expect other people to drop everything and help only us with our problems or our careers -- not without our own effort, and certainly not without advocating for ourselves and asking for that help in the first place.
It's in your best interest to become your best advocate. No one will ever care as much about your career as you do. And there's no downside to asking for help or stating your needs.
You might think that leaders should already be helping their team members. I do agree that the best leaders are naturally interested in helping their team members evolve and grow. But there is no downside to asking for what you want or telling someone what you need. Self-advocacy shows you've already reflected on your needs and you see a clear path toward success, or at least a clear chance at success that you're willing to take. Self-advocacy should be applauded if not simply accepted and heeded.
Plus, even the best leaders sometimes might falter in their duty to serve you. They might get caught up in emotion which can cloud their judgment and decision-making from a leadership perspective. Maybe they are dealing with something personal, or maybe they're facing challenges themselves and are showing signs of self-preservation instead of insulating you and your team from the damage. And of course there's always the possibility that they're in a place of power but they're actually not a good leader at all -- that it's not in their nature to look out for you or advocate for you or put in the extra time and energy to relate to you and boost you up. Whatever the reason, leaders -- both good and bad -- are not perfect. Situations arise. There are 37 other things to deal with. And even if you encounter the greatest leader ever, who cares about you and helps you and empowers you, there are still going to be times when you have to advocate for yourself.
To put it simply, it's in your best interest to become your best advocate.
Maybe You've Felt This Way Too...
Advocating for yourself can be difficult. I personally was never very good at it. I struggled with stating my accomplishments without sounding cocky or selfish. I believe in saying "we" over "I," which can sometimes take my personal contribution out of the team accomplishment, and leave me in the dark while others take the credit and enjoy the spotlight. I wasn't comfortable with talking about my strengths or successes. But I also believed it was my boss's job to advocate for me -- in meetings where I'm not there and can't speak for myself, in meetings where I am there and have a chance to improve my visibility, in decision-making and assigning projects and resource allocation, and so on. I still do believe good leaders advocate for their team members. But I've also learned I have to advocate for myself too -- in part because I know it is good for me (and it can't hurt!), and in part because I've experienced the flip side.
I've felt neglected. I've had bosses tell me I don't need the help because I can handle myself (you might recognize that as a back-handed compliment that actually doesn't help at all). I've had bosses express disappointment when I told them I wasn't receiving the baseline recognition I thought everyone deserved, or when I wanted to be recognized but was passed over for an accolade I felt I earned. I've had bosses be unaware of the work I was doing, ask me to explain, then chide me for talking about myself. I've had bosses simply not put in the effort to recognize me or develop me or advocate for me. I've had bosses who didn't know that was part of their job, and bosses who probably knew better but didn't care. I've had bosses tell me I was too emotional or not emotional enough. And I've had bosses who were threatened by me and didn't want to give me a platform because my success might make them look bad. And I know I'm not alone in these experiences and more.
I wish I were joking or hyperbolizing, but I'm not. All of these things have actually happened to me over the last 18 years. And maybe you, Reader, have had similar or worse things happen to you. Maybe you've felt that your boss just didn't understand you, or didn't TRY to understand you. Maybe your boss didn't think it was their job to look at you as a person and instead only focused on your role's output, making you feel like a cog in a machine.
This is why advocating for yourself is necessary. Your boss may never do it for you. No one else may ever do it for you. And that's going to frustrate you. You're going to grow disenchanted with your job, leading to burnout or detachment. Or you'll feel disappointed with the situation, which could lead to avoidance or resentment.
Self-advocacy is a skill you can develop that will help you in all facets of your life, contributing to your self-perception -- and your overall happiness.
And self-advocacy comes up in places beyond work. Self-advocacy is a skill you can develop that will help you in all facets of your life -- when you see a doctor and require medical assistance, when you're placing a takeout order and have a food allergy, when you're taking a test at school and need accommodations, when you're having a bad day and simply need a break. Self-advocacy is vital in the most serious and dire moments, but it's also very helpful in all of those little moments that come in between -- the moments that contribute to our overall happiness and our self-perception.
If you want to take back a little bit of control and make things better for yourself, start advocating for yourself. You'll be so glad you did.
Why Advocating For Yourself Matters
As if you needed more reasons to speak up for yourself when it matters, a recent article from meditation app Calm listed five major benefits:
Boosts your confidence
Improves relationships
Reduces stress
Garners respect
Leads to personal growth
If we self-advocate in little ways when it matters, we'll be more prepared to handle the big things when they inevitably show up.
When we speak up for ourselves, we prove to ourselves -- and to others -- that we matter. We show that we are not "pushovers," that sometimes we need to take control of our lives instead of being subject to the situation or to the whims of others. We also show that we can add value in ways that we've clearly thought deeply about. And it doesn't need to come out as a grand gesture or an explosion after months of holding it inside. If we self-advocate in little ways when it matters, we'll be more prepared to handle the big things when they inevitably show up.
What Self-Advocacy is NOT
I hope this article is boosting your confidence, but I don't want you to fall into the realm of cockiness, either. Let's draw some guidelines and rule out what self-advocacy is not:
Being rude
Being selfish
Being arrogant
Not providing context or clear reasoning
Putting yourself on a pedestal, above others
Demanding something from someone
Making unreasonable requests or outlandish demands
Proposing something that's not strategic or realistic or helpful
It doesn't have to be a confrontation. And it doesn't mean that you're putting yourself on a baseless pedestal above others. You can't demand that others do something or listen to you. You can only control yourself. So handle yourself in a respectful, values-driven way, and your self-advocacy will help you make better decisions for yourself. If someone else does not respect your wishes or barriers, you can make a decision as a result. Self-advocacy is about you -- not the other person. Obviously we want others to respect our self-advocacy, but we can't control them. And we can't control the situation. We can only control ourselves.
Handle yourself in a respectful, values-driven way, and your self-advocacy will help you make better decisions for yourself.
Here's some grey area for you to consider: Have you heard the old adage "the squeaky wheel gets the service"? Most times we don't like the squeaky wheels among us because they can be viewed as annoying or self-serving or cocky without justification. But sometimes, it's true -- the only way someone can help you is if you speak up. My advice is not to blindly take advantage of the old adage "the squeaky wheel gets the service." Just because someone is loud doesn't mean they're right or helpful, and we shouldn't celebrate loudness nor should we try to emulate it. But do recognize that someone can't empathize with you or help you or support you if they don't know what you need, and explaining what you need starts with you.
Advocating for yourself doesn't mean talking just to talk. It doesn't mean speaking up just to hear the sound of your voice, or increasing the sphere of your presence just for vapid visibility. It's so much more than that. Sometimes "the squeaky wheel gets the service" is the best option, and in those cases, make sure your voice is strong yet respectful, thoughtful and strategic.
What Self-Advocacy is
Meaningful, thoughtful, intentional (mindful)
Respectful and understanding
Clear and strong
Concrete and specific
Emotionally intelligent
Reasonable
A mixture of reflective, personal perspective with objective, factual proof
A firm message (outbound) and the ability to react to the response (inbound)
Sometimes a statement, sometimes a question, shifting based on the need or situation
Aligned with your values
Thankfully, if we already have displayed a pattern of respect, strategic thought, and intentionality (which hopefully is the case!), advocating for ourselves will be viewed as consistent with our values and will not shock or offend anyone. We do need to be clear, and sometimes that means we have to be bold and strong, but we never need to be rude. Sometimes we'll clearly and calmly state our needs, while other times we'll ask others to consider our proposals. The message we share should be firm and confident, and then however people respond, we should be able to respond to their response in a way that is consistent with what we need, while still being respectful. We shouldn't be meek, but we do need to respect the person we're talking to and the realities of the situation.
Self-advocacy involves both getting the message out there and receiving what we need. Sometimes we have to take baby steps, especially if we aren't used to speaking up for ourselves, so part one--simply stating what we need--is a difficult hurdle we need to overcome. Then, as we get more used to people responding to our acts of self-advocacy, we can build the muscles that will allow us to respond, in turn, more effectively. For example, if you state what you need, but someone says no, is that successful? Does that feel good? Do you walk away happy? Sometimes you'll be happy you asked for what you needed and did everything in your control, even if it wasn't possible (e.g., a raise at work, a proposal, or things that are "nice to have" but might not be possible right now). But other times what you're asking for is non-negotiable, so you'll need to get used to responding to the response (e.g., medical needs, boundaries, acts around values or self-worth). Starting with categorization can help--decide whether what you're asking for is necessary or nice to have. Then make the decisions that lead to actions that yield the best results accordingly.
It always benefits us to do some self-reflection first, as well as some data-gathering if necessary, so our argument is as airtight as possible. Leveraging emotional intelligence and intentional strategic alignment will help your self-advocacy land more positively and lead to better outcomes.
What Self-Advocacy Might Look Like
Let's look at a bunch of very different examples. Feel free to skip to ones that are pertinent to your situation, though I do advocate for diversity of thought and hope you will read all eight scenarios as they reflect a wide variety of elements of self-advocacy at work and in our personal lives.
Activity: Is each of these a good example of self-advocacy or not?
Scenario No. 1
Boss: All right, before we dive into your performance review, I have to tell you pointblank: You're not going to be getting a raise this year.
Employee: Why not?
Boss: It's not in the budget.
Employee: But I worked really hard.
Boss: I know you did.
Employee: This isn't fair.
Boss: I'm sorry.
Employee: You know all the stuff I did this year. Why didn't that factor into your decision?
Boss: It wasn't my call.
Employee: Whose call was it? I need to talk to them directly.
Boss: That won't be possible.
Employee: And why not?
Boss: This is how we conduct yearly raises, and I'm sorry to be the one to relay the bad news to you, but this is the reality of the situation.
Employee: So what am I supposed to do?
Boss: We'll see if we can make a good case for a raise next year.
Employee: I don't want to wait until next year. I earned it this year.
Boss: I wish I could give you more money right now, but I can't.
Employee: This is so unfair.
No. Why not? This employee is going back and forth with their boss, not exhibiting a great deal of respect, not showing much understanding of the process, letting emotions cloud their judgment, jumping to conclusions, demanding special treatment, being unclear in their reasoning, saying empty statements ("this is so unfair") that aren't helping the conversation, and focusing too narrowly on their personal opinions ("I don't want to wait until next year"). (Note: Regardless of how unfortunate the situation is or how cold and unyielding the boss is, you can only control yourself, so we're only focusing on the employee's part of this interaction.)
What could the employee have done differently?
Ask if you can take a moment in between receiving the news and responding. Take a break and gather your thoughts before you say something you'll regret.
If it helps, offer proof. Give clear, concrete evidence of your successes. Better yet, document them. Even better, keep them in a shared document with your boss and update them throughout the year for constant visibility to ensure you're on the same page.
Understand the process. And if you don't understand it, ask for clarification. 'What were the criteria for raise decisions this year?' 'How can I ensure I get a raise next year?' 'What could I have done differently, if anything?'
You can say how you feel - "I'm disappointed that after boosting our Main KPI by 300%, I didn't get a raise commensurate to my contributions." - but don't keep pushing on the same pain point. Think strategically about the context. If the company can't give you money, so amount of whining is going to change that. Be honest and realistic.
Look ahead. Process it, feel the way you feel, and say what you need to say in a way that focuses on the next step. Look ahead to an action you can take in the future that will change the outcome in a way that better benefits you. For example, maybe ask if your company will offer raises in three months if you personally hit Goal A or if your company hits Goal B.
Be proactive and take initiative. Propose a plan that works for you and works within the context of the the situation. The worst your boss can do is say no, in which case nothing actually changed, other than the fact that you tried to set yourself up for success.
Accept it and let it go. This might seem counterintuitive. You might think self-advocacy requires you to always talk back, but that's not necessarily true. It may serve you to not respond in the moment, or it may serve you to simply let go of this thing you can't control and to move on to better things. Letting go can be a form of self-advocacy. You're advocating for yourself in that you're not letting the situation "get to you" or affect you negatively, you're showing yourself grace, and you're giving yourself the gift of acceptance and freedom. If it's not going to help you to speak up, then let go and move on.
Scenario No. 2
An employee is teetering on the edge of burnout. To preserve her mental health, she adds timeblocks to her digital work calendar, which is visible to everyone at the company. She blocks off an hour each morning for her to catch up on emails and set her to do list for the day uninterrupted. She also blocks off an hour for lunchtime to ensure she actually takes a break. Then she adds a timeblock at the end of the day so she remembers to take 15 minutes to wrap up the day's loose ends and set her agenda for the next day.
Yes. This is a great example of self-advocacy. Self-advocacy doesn't always have to be verbal. It can be a physical action. Creating a barrier counts as self-advocacy. Blocking off time on your calendar so you can assert yourself and respect your needs is a fantastic way to self-advocate. It's also a great way to communicate to others (in an asynchronous, accessible fashion) about your needs.
Self-advocacy doesn't always have to be verbal. It can be a physical action. Creating a barrier counts as self-advocacy and a form of communication that express your needs and ask others to respect them.
Additionally, digital timeblocking on your calendar serves as a form of mass communication which may be easier for you than having to speak up for yourself every time a request comes through. In other words, you only have to block your calendar once, and you don't have to necessarily talk to anyone when you do so, but dozens of people could be checking your calendar and receiving your communication that way rather than bothering you with individual questions. You don't have to respond to everyone individually. One message from you, on your calendar in the form of a timeblock, will do the trick. Well done.
Scenario No. 3
Nurse: All right, let's get started on Tests A and B.
Patient: I thought I was only going to take Test A today.
Nurse: No, we have to also do Test B.
Patient: I'm nervous about taking Test B. Can I take a break in between the two tests?
Nurse: I'll find out if that's possible.
Patient: Thank you.
Yes, this is a good example of self-advocacy. Don't worry that the patient asks a question instead of making a statement. Sometimes, in a situation like this one, you might think you're too nervous to be strong, and you may resort to a question rather than a statement. That's okay. You spoke up and asked for what you needed. You were clear and calm. Great job. If the other person said no to your request, but you have a non-negotiable need, then you'd need to make a statement (e.g., "I need 30 minutes otherwise I can't do the test today") or make a decision (e.g., reschedule the test).
Note:
I'm not here to give medical advice. But I will say that sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do because they're important for helping diagnose a problem or ensuring you receive the appropriate care. Self-advocacy doesn't mean saying "no" forever just because you're uncomfortable or scared -- that could be harmful to your health. And self-advocacy isn't avoidance. So be very intentional as you determine whether you need to speak up for yourself to receive the care you need or whether you need to challenge yourself a little bit for the very same reason.
Scenario No. 4
Chester is in a meeting with a lot of people tossing around a lot of ideas. Chester wants to bring his best self to the meeting, but he is the type of person who likes to think things through on his own before forming thoughts, rather than the type of person who likes to talk it out in the moment. He was not given an agenda for the meeting beforehand, so he was not able to prepare. He tries to contribute in the moment, but he can't think straight. He says, "I'd like to think about this and then I'll get back to you."
Mostly, this can count as self-advocacy, but there are a few cautions I'd give Chester. Let's walk through both sides of the coin.
Why it's good: Knowing what works best for you and speaking up so you can take action in a meaningful way is vital. In this situation, Chester could add a little context if he'd like, by saying: "I've been taking notes and I want to process some of my thoughts before I form any conclusions, so at our next meeting on Tuesday I'll share my thoughts." Or he could explain which way he's leaning but why he doesn't want to commit to a certain idea just yet. That approach would make Chester's contribution more structured and clear. He doesn't necessarily "owe" anyone an explanation, but because it is a work environment, he shouldn't undercommunicate, especially if it might backfire. Others may make erroneous assumptions and think he doesn't have good ideas or is being standoffish or is disengaged. If he can convey the fact that he is engaged and has good ideas and wants to contribute in a meaningful way, people will hopefully appreciate his act of self-advocacy rather than resent him for it.
Why it might not be so good: One other thing to consider here is the situation. If he's in a meeting where they need to make a decision immediately -- meaning before they leave the room or end the call -- then he probably isn't going to be able to take more time to think about it. In this case, he might need to figure out what works second best for him. Sure, he might prefer to take time to think outside of the meeting, but if that's not possible, what can he do right now? And how can he advocate for himself so he can still add value, even if it's not in his ideal way (which, let's face it, isn't always possible)? Maybe he would like to talk through the problem out loud, in which case he could read the room and see if that's possible then try to facilitate that discussion. Or maybe he finds that he simply is not able to contribute to this conversation right now, in which case he might want to do some reflection afterward and figure out ways to practice thinking more quickly, being more decisive, or having a backup for situations where he wants to add value but won't have a chance to take time outside of the meeting to think on his own. Then, once he is aware of what he needs, he will be more equipped to advocate for that, regardless of the situation.
If you are like Chester, practice reading the room, understanding your hierarchy of needs, and determining whether it's appropriate to ask for more time or whether you're facing an opportunity to practice the skill of thinking on your feet and being okay with the result.
Note:
If you know you are someone like Chester who prefers to know the agenda before a meeting, but you haven't been provided one in the calendar invitation, be proactive and ask for one. Self-advocacy can look like asking for an agenda before a meeting so you can prepare and contribute in a meaningful way. Sometimes self-advocacy happens in the moment, whereas sometimes it happens in the preparation. Know your needs and the situation so you can align them wherever possible.
Scenario No. 5
Gwen is at a party with tons of people. The music is loud and she's out of her comfort zone. Someone tries to talk to her but she isn't really sure who it is or what to say. Instead, she says, "I'm going to head out for a second and get some fresh air." The other person is bewildered by her abrupt departure as Gwen goes out the front door and talks a breather on the sidewalk.
Yes, this is self-advocacy. And she doesn't owe her friend an explanation. Maybe she is struggling with a bout of anxiety and needs a moment alone, or maybe she just needs a change of scenery so she can reset and gather herself. If she knows what she needs, she speaks up, and she acts on it, and she's not hurting anyone else or herself, then there's no problem at all with this approach.
Note:
Don't mistake self-care for avoidance. If you need to deal with something, you do need to deal with it, in a healthy way. If you are dealing with something with your mental health, talk to a professional and explore healthy ways to heal. Sometimes, leaving a difficult situation can be a helpful reset that gives us a change of scenery and a refreshed perspective so that we can either deal with the situation more effectively or let go and move on. But other times, leaving a situation can be a form of avoidance, which lets the problem linger or grow and could be harmful. Know the difference and practice what you know is best for you.
Scenario No. 6
Carissa says "no."
Answer: Maybe.
Context: No is a complete sentence. Sometimes we forget that we can push back or set boundaries or simply turn down opportunities or requests. Or we forget that "no, thank you" is an option - we don't always have to say "yes" to everything all the time. What we say "no" to matters just as much as what we say "yes" to - in business and in life.
Obviously, if Carissa's boss assigns her a project and her response is "no," there might be an issue there - but there is a way for Carissa to try to finesse even that situation, if she needs to. If she is feeling burnt out or has too much on her plate or knows she can't juggle everything and do her work excellently, saying no has its benefits. She will convey that she has high standards and cares about doing good work. She will show that she knows her limits and has done a brief resource analysis and has come to the conclusion that the current proposal won't work. At work, it's usually better to supply an alternate solution rather than simply shutting down an idea. So, if Carissa's boss assigned her a new project, instead of just saying "no" and walking away or signing offline, Carissa can explain why that might not work and propose another idea that might work better along with her reasoning. It might not work, but she would feel a greater sense of peace knowing she tried to advocate for herself. "No" can lead to the reasoning behind the decision and even sometimes yields a better outcome, so don't shy away from pushing back or setting boundaries or proposing alternate solutions when it makes sense.
But if this is a personal situation and someone simply wants to hang out with Carissa on a day when she wants to take a mental health break and relax, "no" suffices. Don't be rude, and don't avoid challenges, and maybe propose an alternate solution instead, but if none of that is working for you today, remember that "no" is a complete sentence.
Scenario No. 7
Asher is afraid to be alone. He is working on challenging his anxiety by making himself be alone for certain periods of time and working through the way he feels during that time. This has been advised by his therapist. The next time his wife goes to work and leaves Asher alone at their house, his cousin invites him to come hang out at his apartment, like they used to do all the time, so Asher doesn't have to be lonely. But Asher says that he has to stay home alone now. His cousin feels hurt and misses seeing Asher. But Asher has to stand firm.
Answer: YES! It's unfortunate that his cousin's feelings got hurt. Asher can explain what he's doing and why, so that his cousin doesn't come up with random reasons that aren't true. Asher is doing what his therapist told him to do and is putting in the hard work it takes to overcome anxiety by challenging it head-on. Of course he wants to hang out with his cousin, and of course that would be better than being alone. But he's doing an exercise for his health right now. So he has to advocate for himself in this moment. Once he communicates this to his cousin, his cousin will hopefully understand that he's working on something that means a lot to him and will help improve his health. If the cousin doesn't understand, that's a reflection of his cousin -- not of Asher. Asher is doing the right thing by advocating for himself in this situation. And again, I'm not a therapist, and I'm not giving out medical advice or psychological training here. (If you need medical or psychological help, speak to a professional.) I'm simply stating that if you're like Asher and you're doing something that is difficult but necessary, and someone else gives you the opportunity to bow out, you are doing the right thing by staying the course and advocating for yourself.
Scenario No. 8
Garrett is not being invited to work meetings where he feels he should be present. He knows he could add value to those conversations, but even more importantly, those meetings are about topics that his role encompasses. He feels he should be in the room, but his boss doesn't invite him. Worse, his boss attends the meetings, then either doesn't share the information with Garrett afterward, or he tells Garrett what to do and then takes credit for Garrett's work in the meetings. Garrett is fed up and feels like disengaging. He isn't sure whether he should step back and do less work (to "stick it to the man") or if he should step up and tell his boss that he wants to be invited to those meetings. He decides to give it one last try, and he tells his boss that he'd like to be invited to those meetings since they are relevant to his job. His boss says he doesn't want to bother Garrett by adding so many annoying meetings to his calendar. Garrett says he doesn't mind -- these are important meetings and they would help improve his work and his cross-team relationships. His boss says he'll invite Garrett to future meetings. He doesn't invite Garrett to the next meeting, and Garrett gets fed up and begins disengaging from his role.
Answer: Yes, Garrett did a great job of advocating for himself when he told his boss that he'd like to be invited to those meetings. Hopefully he was kind and diplomatic and also laid forth a tight business case conveying why he should be in the room and what kind of value he could add. The story really ends there. But we do have a little bit more information here about the aftermath: Garrett's boss doesn't do what he says he's going to do (bad boss alert), and as a result, Garrett begins to disengage. This is unfortunately very common. Garrett felt he gave it one last try and when his boss didn't do what he promised and what would have been best for Garrett, Garrett was fed up. This could be a form of self-advocacy as long as it's not also a form of self-sabotage. He still needs to do his job. He might feel less motivated, he might respect his boss a whole lot less, but he should still complete his job responsibilities to the best of his ability. Maybe self-advocacy in this stage could look like either speaking up again or talking to HR about the situation, or, what's more likely, finding a new job at another company. Leaving a toxic situation is a form of self-advocacy. Finding a better situation for yourself is a form of self-advocacy. Garrett did a great job speaking up, and now, hopefully he can maintain his work ethic while he works on the next step for his career.
Plan, But Don't Overplan
Self-advocacy can seem intimidating because we fear it'll turn into a negative confrontation or some deeply rooted conflict that will be unsurmountable. We need to shift our mindset before the interaction and set an intention to be constructive. We will need to be clear and direct, yes, but we can do that in a calm and respectful way. The other person may push back, so try to plan for that ahead. Practice self-awareness first and foremost, which will boost your confidence and peace. Then go into the situation with an inkling of a plan and be ready to adjust as needed. For example, 'If I say I need a break, but my boss won't give it to me now, I'll ask when I can take one, because I need it due to these reasons.' Or 'If I say a need a break, but my boss won't give it to me now, I'll explain the need and make sure I finish my work ahead of time and get my own coverage so he knows he can trust me.'
Self-advocacy will get better with practice and reflection. So keep up with it, stay strong, and be calm and confident. You got this.
On the other end of the spectrum, don't overplan. Don't push yourself into a vicious cycle of envisioning every single possible scenario and planning ways to mitigate negative outcomes in each one. That's not necessary. You'll only drive yourself crazy spiraling into the negatives, which isn't helpful.
Have a strong foundation, maybe consisting of a few ideas or plans of what you need and how you're going to deliver your message, then trust yourself. You've done the reflective work and you know yourself. Lean on that. You can adapt in the moment, or you can ask for a minute to think before you respond. And self-advocacy will get better with practice and reflection. So keep up with it, and stay strong, and be calm and confident. You can do this. Regardless of the outcome this time, you'll be glad you spoke up for yourself, and you'll feel more confident when you do it again...and again...and again.
Questions for Reflection:
When was the last time you advocated for yourself? How did it feel?
What is an upcoming situation where you might need to advocate for yourself? How will you prepare?
How can you get better at self-advocacy?
For leaders: How can you help others advocate for themselves? How can you nurture an environment where you support others' growth, self-awareness, and empowerment?
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