The title isn't meant to be a tongue-twister as much as a succinct way of saying that if you remember little things about your team members, they will appreciate that you cared.
It's that simple.
I believe in the power of one-on-one meetings each week to ensure team members have what they need to succeed and managers are able to check in on projects' progress and assign new deliverables or adjust direction as needed. Weekly one-on-ones are also a great way for a manager and team member to connect personally. I tend to start one-on-ones with a personal check-in before tackling the project-heavy agenda. If it's Monday, ask your team member if they had a nice weekend. If it's Friday, ask if they have plans for the weekend ahead. If it's Wednesday, ask how their week is going. You get the idea.
Now, this doesn't mean every single Monday you should pry into your team members' personal lives and demand that you know what they did over the weekend. That wouldn't add value to your relationship and may come off as micromanage-y or even creepy. And they don't have to share anything personally that they don't want to. Don't forget that they may not want to bring their personal life into work or to show their boss a different side of them than the professional persona they worked hard to build through their career. Respect that and stay within the lines of what is appropriate.
But if they do want to share personal information with you, it also doesn't mean you have to spend your entire meeting slot talking about family get-togethers and favorite TV shows and celebrity news. That wouldn't be a good use of anyone's time, nor would it be an effective way to use your work hours to add business value. But if you find that someone needs a break from the grind and would appreciate a more informal conversation, as a leader, you can take shape an employee culture full of empathy and support.
And I'm not suggesting this becomes a formula you follow to a T regardless of what is going on around you. If you have an urgent project that you need to talk about, get to it. If your team member isn't performing, informal chit-chat won't get them back on track or address the problem. And you shouldn't read a blanket question off of a page just to check a box then move on - that would be insincere and would be more damaging more than not asking at all. But if they trust you're being authentic, and you trust that they're getting their work done, quick conversations about people's lives - within appropriate limits - can build a bond that will yield productivity down the road.
Essentially, asking questions expresses interest in your team members' wellbeing. You'll get to the project list eventually; don't forget that we're only human and sometimes a simple check-in goes a long way. Some team members may be quiet and not want to offer up a funny story or voice an issue without your prompting. Here's where the leadership principle of tailoring your approach to each team member comes into play. If someone on your team hates small talk, don't make them uncomfortable. If someone else on your team is itching to talk about a movie they watched, give them the spare to share their thoughts in a constructive way. Sometimes this is in a department meeting where others can join in on the conversation. Sometimes it's better suited for a one-on-one. As a leader, you need to be able to read the room, know your team members, and decide which setting is best for which conversation.
Here's a tip: When you're taking meeting notes (which I hope all of you are doing in every meeting you're in), jot down a note about the person you're talking to. Maybe they mention they're going to Maine for the weekend. The next time you talk to them, ask them about their Maine trip. They'll be pleasantly surprised you remembered. They'll know you care.
This approach is especially helpful in a virtual remote work environment. "Watercooler conversations" don't exist anymore, and all communication is intentional. We can't just walk by someone's desk -- nowadays we have to schedule a meeting ahead of time with a Google Meet link so we can connect via video in order to see someone's face. And you wouldn't schedule a half-hour long meeting just to ask someone about their weekend, either. But at the beginning of a weekly check-in, taking a moment to touch base on something light yet personally important, before jumping into project updates, can build trust and contribute to a supportive culture. Internal collaboration tools like Slack also help mitigate the loss of small talk, enabling shorter, more informal conversations to happen through direct messages. This can be a great way to show you care without sacrificing meeting time or trumping an urgent work-related conversation.
Try sending a message to a coworker who told you about an upcoming event in their life and ask how it went. They'll appreciate that you cared enough to reach out. And the next time you have to work with them, they just may feel a closer connection to you than before. Maybe this will empower them to speak up in a meeting you're in, knowing you're supporting them. Maybe they'll feel they can trust you to help them with a work issue or they'll want to collaborate with you on a project. Or maybe they'll simply feel more appreciated at work, more fulfilled in their job, more connected to the world around them. And that would be a wonderful thing. We can certainly all use a little more compassion and connection in our lives.
Isn't it illuminating how powerful a simple question can be?
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