We're told to stay curious. We know the value of curiosity (and I wrote about it here). The questions we ask convey importance, instill meaning, and foster connection. Curiosity is something to embrace, to maintain, and to continuously enhance.
But have you ever worried whether your curiosity might be misconstrued as incompetence? Have you ever felt that if you ask a certain question, your credibility may take a hit?
Let's explore the balance between curiosity and credibility at work.
Curiosity: Is there a downside?
I'd argue no, there's no downside to curiosity. When you ask a question and listen, you learn something new. When you're curious about something, you increase your vulnerability, engage in wonderment, lower the stakes, and often arrive at a conclusion or insight that never would have been possible otherwise. When you are curious about a topic, you humble yourself and are more open to new information. Curiosity leads to research which yields data that can inform better decisions and therefore better results.
But what about being curious with people? When you're in a work meeting, how comfortable do you feel when you want to ask a question? Some people don't think twice, and that's great. All the power to you. But what about the rest of us who sometimes second guess ourselves?
Fear not. When you ask someone a question, several things happen:
They'll feel appreciated. To put it plainly, the other person will feel special. They'll feel their area of expertise is of value to you. People like feeling like a resource. You have the power to make them feel that way.
You'll learn. You may get an answer that is different than your previous assumption. You may glean new insights and widen your perspectives. You'll increase diversity of thought in your company culture and broaden all the possibilities and ideas that are available to you before you refine your options and make an informed decision.
You'll get validation. If you already thought you knew the answer, and the other person has the same idea as you, then confirmation from someone else will give you the validation and confidence that'll help you move forward.
They'll be less defensive. When you ask someone a question, especially if you don't agree with them about something or you were feeling the tension build, they will likely soften and not shy away from sharing how they arrived at their conclusion or why they think they're right. Even if their response isn't as mature as you might hope, the simple act of asking a question can diffuse conflict and help you both start learning and connecting in a more productive way.
They'll learn what you care about. When you ask someone a pointed question, such as "Why do you x is so important to our strategy?" or "How can we improve our efforts in Area Y?" or "What are some ways we've excelled in Area Z?" you are conveying the importance of those things. You're guiding someone's thoughts toward being able to answer those questions. If they can't answer those questions well, they're likely going to start acting in a way that yields better answers to those questions next time. In other words, simply asking a question can shape behaviors and drive more strategic outcomes.
You'll represent the voiceless. I especially love this one. There might be other people in the room who have the same question but are afraid to ask it. OR there might be people who are not in the room, but you can represent them. Give a voice to the voiceless by asking questions that other people need to know the answers to. Use your questions as a way to inform other people and find out answers that others need so you can better support--and represent-them.
You'll build a connection. Questions can show vulnerability and humility, and people prefer vulnerable and humble leaders. If you act like you always know everything, you likely aren't going to be viewed as being collaborative or open-minded, and that's unfortunate, because those are important traits. Be a little vulnerable, humble yourself, and ask a question, and others will appreciate that you don't think you're "above" not knowing something.
You'll get an answer. Put simply, sometimes, if you don't ask, you don't find out. We shouldn't feel afraid of asking questions we want the answers to. Of course, a positive culture can help, but you can always take control of your own actions by asking the questions you need answers to in order to do your job effectively.
Everything on this list is positive. Curiosity is exponentially rewarding for all involved.
So, is there a downside? No. Surrender the idea that curiosity could be misinterpreted as incompetence and instead acknowledge that curiosity builds you and everyone involved up. A rising tide lift all boats, and a well-placed, informed question can rise that tide for all.
How to be Curious without Losing Credibility
As leaders, being curious can also be directed "downward" to our team members. This doesn't necessarily mean we don't know the answers, although remember that IT'S OKAY to not have all the answers (put another way, it's impossible for anyone to have all the answers. Relinquish the illusion of perfection!).
Here are 5 ways leaders can embrace curiosity without losing credibility:
Ask your team members their thoughts before making a decision. Maybe someone requested a new resource from your team, and you have something in mind. First, ask your team what they would do to fulfill that request. Then, reflect together on the feasibility of these ideas and how they align to your strategy. This enables dialogue around why certain ideas would or wouldn't work, and it also encourages your team to be innovative and to problem-solve on their own in a strategically aligned way. You're not coming across as incompetent or lazy--you're still the one laying out the strategy and making the final decision, but your team members are getting involved, engaging directly, and learning more about what might work and what might not (and why).
Use curiosity as a tool to empower. This is a little different than the first bullet (maybe it should be 1-A instead of 2) because you could ask your team member their opinion and then say yes. When they come up with an idea and you give them the green light, you're empowering them to do that more often and you're building their confidence.
Help your team members reflect after errors. When something doesn't go according to plan (which happens all the time!), ask your team members what they learned and what they'll do differently next time. In that way, you're not appearing incompetent--you're appearing supportive and forward-thinking. Your team members will realize it's only human to make mistakes, but what matters is what we do next, and how we improve in the future. Plus, you're guiding them toward the answers, but they're the ones coming up with their own answers--you're not doing the hard work for them. They're still learning firsthand (which is almost always the point!).
Debrief after successes. Ask your team members what went well, WHY it went well, and how they can replicate that success in the future.
Ask your team how you can support them. I don't think people are explicit enough with this. Managers should ask their team members how they can support them. What do you need? When do you need my support most? In which areas do you want to build more independence? What skills do you want to grow, and how can I help? Asking these questions will show your team members that you care about their growth and you'll learn what they need to be successful--and what you can do to help them get there.
In addition to these 5, the general principles of learning, increasing diversity of thought, getting answers, and gathering data to make more informed decisions still apply.
And if you're wondering what NOT to do...
Don't ask questions you already know the answers to. (Once in a great while this can be helpful to clarify for others in the room, but in that case, I'd say just be honest and share the information rather than posing as an undercover questioner. Always be authentic!)
Don't ask questions that don't match the tone of the meeting. In other words, don't ask a very specific, tactical, granular question if everyone is talking about high-level strategy.
Don't ask questions that only apply to you if you're in a meeting with a lot of people. Think about the audience who should hear the answer to that question, and ask that question when they're present. Maybe you wait to ask your question to someone individually after a meeting, if it only applies to you. If you're in a meeting with a lot of people, make sure everyone (or at least the critical mass) needs to hear the answer.
Don't ask questions that aren't relevant. Show your strategic alignment by knowing what matters and knowing what questions need to be answered.
Don't ask questions that aren't timely. If your question can wait, and you're dealing with something more urgent, shift priorities accordingly. And be cognizant of your definition of urgency versus others'. Empathize with your coworkers and recognize that you all have a million things to do and you're all trying to do your best. It won't always be clear what's more urgent than something else, but when it is, respect urgency (which also will help you appear strategically aligned).
Don't infuse your questions with negativity or assumptions. Questions like 'Why isn't Person A doing her job?' or 'Why aren't you blaming Team X for these issues?' are not helpful--they're destructive. Don't let negativity seep into your curiosity; don't let negative assumptions color your questions. Try approaching your questions with an open mind. Sometimes being specific with your questions can help narrow the focus and encourage your collaborator to focus on a combination of reflective learning + forward-thinking application in a productive, efficient way.
Ultimately, the idea of losing credibility by appearing curious is an invalid assumption. If anyone thinks you're incapable because you asked a question, that's an error on their part.
I will add one bonus nugget, one very specific way to infuse credibility into your ask:
Include context.
Explain why you're asking that question--why you care, why you need to know, what you intend to do with the answer.
Start with what you know so far and then explain how the answer to your question can fill in the blanks.
Ask the question first then follow up with a response based on the answer, which shows you likely already considered that option and know how it strategically applies.
Asking questions informs, builds rapport, empowers, and broadens perspectives.
So is there a downside to leaders being curious? Absolutely not.
Embrace that curiosity and enjoy all the benefits for you and everyone around you.
Questions for reflection:
Identify one way you were curious this past week, or one question you asked someone in a recent meeting.
How is curiosity modeled for you? What do you appreciate about curious, vulnerable, empowering, humble leaders?
How do you feel when someone asks you a question? How can you help others feel that way?
Name one way you'll add curiosity to your approach while staying strategic and credible.
What are some ways you can embrace curiosity more effectively in the future?
Comments